And the grass still grows...
My first post of sorts. I discovered what blogging was two years back (quite late, i admit), when i did a search on a friend's name and stumbled upon a blog. He had written beautifully and i was more than mesmerised. It is only later that i realised that this was quite a passtime amongst quite a few people. Some tend to take it a bit more seriously than me, for whom it'll probably be just one of those diaries...
I had a rough day today and definately not in the best of my spirits. And this despite the fact that i was looking "beautiful" , even according to my mother and all my colleagues. The fact that i was looking good pleases me quite a bit. Nonetheless, my 'important meeting' with the Ministry of Agriculture (where i basically needed some data) turned out to be quite a washout. Even my kilo of kaju katlee couldn't quite save the day ! Oh Yes, it is very important to flatter people and look good, especially when eventually one would need to actually beg( for data, in my case).
Reached office late. Of course, with a little help from M, that bit was managed. Made several calls to the ministry, no one responded. When the director did respond, he refused to give me all the information i needed. Now i am wondering what kind of time series analysis will i do with data spanning three years. My paitence is running out. Research aain't easy. And that's what got me thinking. It's one of those days when you do a flashback and see yourself passout of college, and working and then suddenly wonder how you reached here anyways...
Its a little distant now. Misty... foggy... a bit chilly... dimly lit roads with trees on both sides... nothing... nothing could be more romantic than this place, at this time. That's what i was thinking four years back at midnight. That was my first year into MPhil and in JNU and certainly in a hostel. A day after the maths exam, D had gone off to meet her relatives and i was all alone in the hostel...with 300 other girls. I wonder why i can't ever forget that night. I didn't long for any company, just kept staring at the starlit sky and the road ahead, listening to music and...and i think my mind was completely blank(not unusual). Sometimes, my imagination would wander away to the thoughts of a non-existant person...i would wonder what it would be like to walk hand-in-hand with someone special on a night like this, in a place like this. Four years later, i still wonder :-)
My first job wasn't as bad as i had made it seem and the experience definately helped. But at that time it seemed like all hell had broken loose. Imagine after solving all those dual problems (which i admit i was never good at anyways) , passing econometrics at one go (with great difficulty) and studying how the economy might react to various unforseen and unanticipated shocks...i was actually interviewing housewives in Bihar about chawanprash. It just seemed so unfair and pointless.
Not that i didn't learn anything at all. I learnt how to make a presentation out of nothing in a few hours, how important it was to keep my mouth shut (this i realised after i had already committed a big blunder). I learnt that in Bihar, "jare" means the winter months and that in Patna, girls dont really roam around at malls or streets after 8 in evening. That lucknowi chikan looks great but when you gift them to your relatives, they can't appreciate its beauty, simply cause they think bengali cotton is better(bongs i tell you!). That parents love anything you buy for them. That if you listen to the instructions given on planes by airhostesses too carefully, everyone assumes that you're definatly travelling for the first time and starts advising. That travelling with sober male clients is much better than nasty female clients. That kashi vishwanath temple is so crowded during the evening prayers that we had to bribe our way in and i was a little disappointed with the experience. That the experience in Taj group of hotels was next to none. (every evening i'd go back to taj and prepare a hot bath for myself, order a sumptuous meal, relax and watch television. It doesn't sound that exciting, but for a 22 year old who'd never set foot outside of Delhi, it was like a dream come true. so much freedom!!!)
However, that was not all. Profesionally, the MBAs were getting double the salary for the same work, which irked me(actually "us") immensely. This despite the fact that i was great friends with my colleague (who just happened to have done an MBA) . My boss however loved my work and liked me a lot. Got to meet so many people from different backgrounds. And best of all, i got to travel on my own and stay at the best of hotels. Now thatz quite a bit for a first-timer like me. But realised that it was pretty maddening here and the job in itself wasn't very exciting. So one fine day decided to get back to academia again. Was quite happy with the decision to resign. In fact i remember going for a trip to sunderbans. I should have ideally taken GRE right after that and gone abroad. But like a fool, i decided to do research here. I think i sold myself short !
To share the gold medal with anyone...naah, that was certainly not my motive. Scholar for six consecutive years. I think my parents were quite proud of me. I wonder why academia is such a big thing for all bengali parents. I mean, i was good at fine arts too, but i don't think that made them as proud. Sometimes, i really wish that bengalis would quit their obsession with academia and sciences in particular. It's good to be an educated race, but sometimes i think they tend to go overboard. 'Love to read' was a big thing with my maternal family(all of whom are educationists). And then, when academia runs so deep in the family...its difficult not to be influenced.
And influenced i was. But never thought i'd take this decision. Had thought masters was as far as i could go. Obviously, was mistaken! When i told my parents about my decision to quit my job, they were more than happy. After all, this is exactly what they had wanted. If i look back then i realise that in life, i haven't ever taken up anything because i really love it (other than food habits). Most of my decisions are based on complex moves of elimination. The one that survives, wins! Or I've taken it up cause i just couldn't think of anything better than that at that point of time. For example, economics was an arranged marriage that i began to enjoy (still do). Painting might have been more of a love marriage, which btw i am sure i wldn't have been able to sustain. But its not to say that i don't visit my old love every once in a while. I drift so much that i am unsure whether i am even made for any one particular thing. I would love to keep changing professions after every once in a while, even at the cost of promotions and rising higher up. At times as these, i wonder what the future really holds for me.
I suppose that's an introduction enough. I haven't yet learnt how to keep it short and simple. Maybe i will, with time... as the grass will grow.
I had a rough day today and definately not in the best of my spirits. And this despite the fact that i was looking "beautiful" , even according to my mother and all my colleagues. The fact that i was looking good pleases me quite a bit. Nonetheless, my 'important meeting' with the Ministry of Agriculture (where i basically needed some data) turned out to be quite a washout. Even my kilo of kaju katlee couldn't quite save the day ! Oh Yes, it is very important to flatter people and look good, especially when eventually one would need to actually beg( for data, in my case).
Reached office late. Of course, with a little help from M, that bit was managed. Made several calls to the ministry, no one responded. When the director did respond, he refused to give me all the information i needed. Now i am wondering what kind of time series analysis will i do with data spanning three years. My paitence is running out. Research aain't easy. And that's what got me thinking. It's one of those days when you do a flashback and see yourself passout of college, and working and then suddenly wonder how you reached here anyways...
Its a little distant now. Misty... foggy... a bit chilly... dimly lit roads with trees on both sides... nothing... nothing could be more romantic than this place, at this time. That's what i was thinking four years back at midnight. That was my first year into MPhil and in JNU and certainly in a hostel. A day after the maths exam, D had gone off to meet her relatives and i was all alone in the hostel...with 300 other girls. I wonder why i can't ever forget that night. I didn't long for any company, just kept staring at the starlit sky and the road ahead, listening to music and...and i think my mind was completely blank(not unusual). Sometimes, my imagination would wander away to the thoughts of a non-existant person...i would wonder what it would be like to walk hand-in-hand with someone special on a night like this, in a place like this. Four years later, i still wonder :-)
My first job wasn't as bad as i had made it seem and the experience definately helped. But at that time it seemed like all hell had broken loose. Imagine after solving all those dual problems (which i admit i was never good at anyways) , passing econometrics at one go (with great difficulty) and studying how the economy might react to various unforseen and unanticipated shocks...i was actually interviewing housewives in Bihar about chawanprash. It just seemed so unfair and pointless.
Not that i didn't learn anything at all. I learnt how to make a presentation out of nothing in a few hours, how important it was to keep my mouth shut (this i realised after i had already committed a big blunder). I learnt that in Bihar, "jare" means the winter months and that in Patna, girls dont really roam around at malls or streets after 8 in evening. That lucknowi chikan looks great but when you gift them to your relatives, they can't appreciate its beauty, simply cause they think bengali cotton is better(bongs i tell you!). That parents love anything you buy for them. That if you listen to the instructions given on planes by airhostesses too carefully, everyone assumes that you're definatly travelling for the first time and starts advising. That travelling with sober male clients is much better than nasty female clients. That kashi vishwanath temple is so crowded during the evening prayers that we had to bribe our way in and i was a little disappointed with the experience. That the experience in Taj group of hotels was next to none. (every evening i'd go back to taj and prepare a hot bath for myself, order a sumptuous meal, relax and watch television. It doesn't sound that exciting, but for a 22 year old who'd never set foot outside of Delhi, it was like a dream come true. so much freedom!!!)
However, that was not all. Profesionally, the MBAs were getting double the salary for the same work, which irked me(actually "us") immensely. This despite the fact that i was great friends with my colleague (who just happened to have done an MBA) . My boss however loved my work and liked me a lot. Got to meet so many people from different backgrounds. And best of all, i got to travel on my own and stay at the best of hotels. Now thatz quite a bit for a first-timer like me. But realised that it was pretty maddening here and the job in itself wasn't very exciting. So one fine day decided to get back to academia again. Was quite happy with the decision to resign. In fact i remember going for a trip to sunderbans. I should have ideally taken GRE right after that and gone abroad. But like a fool, i decided to do research here. I think i sold myself short !
To share the gold medal with anyone...naah, that was certainly not my motive. Scholar for six consecutive years. I think my parents were quite proud of me. I wonder why academia is such a big thing for all bengali parents. I mean, i was good at fine arts too, but i don't think that made them as proud. Sometimes, i really wish that bengalis would quit their obsession with academia and sciences in particular. It's good to be an educated race, but sometimes i think they tend to go overboard. 'Love to read' was a big thing with my maternal family(all of whom are educationists). And then, when academia runs so deep in the family...its difficult not to be influenced.
And influenced i was. But never thought i'd take this decision. Had thought masters was as far as i could go. Obviously, was mistaken! When i told my parents about my decision to quit my job, they were more than happy. After all, this is exactly what they had wanted. If i look back then i realise that in life, i haven't ever taken up anything because i really love it (other than food habits). Most of my decisions are based on complex moves of elimination. The one that survives, wins! Or I've taken it up cause i just couldn't think of anything better than that at that point of time. For example, economics was an arranged marriage that i began to enjoy (still do). Painting might have been more of a love marriage, which btw i am sure i wldn't have been able to sustain. But its not to say that i don't visit my old love every once in a while. I drift so much that i am unsure whether i am even made for any one particular thing. I would love to keep changing professions after every once in a while, even at the cost of promotions and rising higher up. At times as these, i wonder what the future really holds for me.
I suppose that's an introduction enough. I haven't yet learnt how to keep it short and simple. Maybe i will, with time... as the grass will grow.
Labels: Musings
posted by Mimi at
11:48 AM
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